I always thought one was synonymous for the other, interchangeable. As I grow in my own journey, I have been gifted a higher level of understanding as it relates to joy and happiness.
For most of my life, I’ve only caught glimpses of happiness. I wrestled with my own mental health issues, childhood trauma, mommy/daddy issues to name a few things. I allowed these things act as a veil that prevented me from truly seeing, feeling, and experiencing life. Not only that, but this baggage kept me bogged down, heavy, weighty and depressed. At times, even when I felt happy, deep down in the most innermost part of my being, I still felt that sadness, like a gentle lull whispering in the background of my life. Happiness slipped through my hands like sand. I never knew how, where, when to grab it.
The past 8 months have been transformative, healing for me. Through therapy, journalling, changing some life practices, and setting boundaries, I have been able to etch away at that deep gnawing feeling. I have been able to scrap at it, grain by grain. Through this, I have been afforded the opportunity to experience joy.
I’ve been looking at pictures of myself lately and can’t believe how genuinely happy I look. Not that fake smile because I’m being asked to take a picture, but cheesing like I’ve won a billion dollars, because I have. I have a second chance at life. A new opportunity to see, taste, smell, feel life. I’m glowing. Its joy.
That deep gnawing feeling carved out room for joy just like Gibran predicted. Left just enough room for me to be inundated with joy. Like dancing when I wake up, full of gratitude, smiling when my life is literally at the biggest crossroad I’ve ever faced, kind of joy..
I see so much purpose in my life experiences so far. My life has been falling apart in order to fall together. Happiness is fading. Its temperamental and completely based on circumstance& people. It comes and goes. But, joy. Joy is deep. It emanates from your core. Its not based on circumstances. Its based on something deeper and something higher. It’ll have you vibrating on a higher frequency.
Not to say, that I don’t have moments when I feel disappointed, sad, angry, but underneath that, is not this gnawing sadness/depression, its joy. My default is joy. I chose to heal and process pain, emotions, and traumatic experiences. I chose to realize that those emotions will ebb and flow, but my joy is lasting. I feel peace because I know my steps are ordered. I have so much love in my heart because the Universe conspires for my good. I have joy because The Creator of the Universe loves me.