And by water, I mean the sweat dripping from the tip of my nose, down to my thigh as I lock one leg, suck in my stomach, arch my back, hold the other leg perpendicular to the
ground. I curve my back and touch my head to my knee. I marvel at the wonder and strength of my body. This is Bikram Yoga.
It is difficult to formulate the words to explain the healing I’ve been able to cultivate through consistently practicing Bikram yoga. But here’s my valiant attempt:
1. Bikram reminds me of my power. Its something about seeing how powerful my body is, seeing my mind persevere through the 107 degrees, the burning muscles, and fatigue. In that mirror,sweating and ready to give up,I realize that I am damn strong. Not just physically, but mentally. I turn, twist, and move my body into shapes and positions I could have never imaged. I am learning, growing, being vulnerable. That all takes power.
2. Be consistent with your self-care. The discipline it takes to get to class, stay in class, and push myself is unparallel. I learned through yoga that in healing/ self-care, I have to be proactive rather than reactive. I don’t only go to yoga when I’m feeling down. I go on days I’m happy. Days I’m tired. I go because I know my body,mind, and spirit will thank me later. I set myself up success. I’m making conscious decisions to be happy and healthy.
What does it look like? Feel like? Does it have a taste? Is it unfamiliar? Could I recognize it?
I imagine it will settle near my gums comfortably.
Eventually rolling off my tongue naturally like its always been there.
Perhaps it’ll first lay dormant with my taste buns before it slides its way down my esophagus
and into my gut
and take up so much space,
That there’s no longer room for the bitterness, anger, pain & fear.
I want that divine love to spread through my internal organs,
up/down my spine.
in/out my joints
flowing in my blood stream.
swimming in my heart.
I was pissed at myself and I couldn’t figure out why. It took awhile before I could understand just why. Then I remembered: May was supposed to be my month! It would be the month I would be done with therapy. And I would be healed. I honestly thought that by May all of my dysfunctions and emotional baggage would be long gone. I looked at healing as this linear slope in which I was progressing toward this imaginary fini
sh line. I thought healing was this straight and narrow path. You’re either moving up the slope toward healing or your digressing down the slope further toward dysfunction. I was pissed at myself for missing the mark. Not making my goal. May is here now and at times it still feels I’m at the starting blocks.
I’ve been learning, I think Iyanla said that “healing is a spiral.” There is no right or wrong in your healing process. Everything contributes to your growth- progression- your good. If you make a healthy decision, it’s for your good. If you make an unhealthy decision, this situation has the same/ equal potential to be for your good, if you choose to look at it as an opportunity. Progression in this sense, means moving toward your Higher Self, higher sense of consciousness and awareness and truth. Ultimately, your good.